Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Looks Like Two Pigs Fighting Under a Blanket

Good morning, y'all. I hope everyone is having fun entering the giveaway. I thought about creating a false identity so that I could enter and possibly win it all BUT I am way too lazy to create the identity and do all the requirements. Plus, that's really tacky/dishonest and my SIL would probably figure it out when she mailed the gift cards to my address. Ha!

Yesterday while putting up laundry which is the story of my life I came across a top that was all balled up and shoved into the back of my "shirt" drawer. You know, the kind of balled up that is screaming "this made me look fat or this doesn't look right or who the crap put this in the dryer on high heat". Yeah...you know what I'm talking about?

How quickly I remembered the night I put on this not-so-great $3 find from Target! So, one of my BFF's was about to get married and we were throwing a bachelorette/fun party for her. The theme was...wait for it...50 Shades of Grey! Ha! The day of the party I found this black and gray leopard print tunic and thought it looked pretty slutty sexy so I bought it.

Ok...so this doesn't look that bad. It's kinda cute. I mean, yeah, the brown boots are a little risky but brown and black were a great combo this winter, right? Plus this was before I completed the look with a skinny matching brown belt..
BAM! I turned around to do the ole' "does this make my butt look big" check and I got a check, alright. A total reality check! (HELL YES I TEXTED THIS PIC TO A FRIEND)
Ok...now just pipe down...I know to some, like my mother, my butt (which by the way I don't say "butt" but I am trying not to cuss) doesn't look that big or bad but it's MY butt and if I don't like it then that's ok.
A scene from a great southern classic, Steel Magnolias, came to mind immediately. You know, the one with Claree at Shelby's wedding reception in regards to the old lady's booty that was shaking it on the dance floor.
"Looks like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket" ( that would be funnier if I could have found a GIF...oh well)
So, I ripped that thing off like it was on fire and tossed it in the drawer in a most frustrating way. I remember thinking I'm a size 4 and sometimes 6 depending on the time of month and style of pants so why does my butt look so big? Then I remembered a light bulb going off in my mind...oh yeah, it's probably the piece of red velvet with cream cheese cake that you eat EVERY NIGHT after the kids go to bed with a glass of wine to "unwind". Actually, by this time I had switched over to caramel cake to go with a Fall theme. Ha! Our Kroger slices up whole cakes that don't sell after a couple days and they sell the individual pieces to suckers people like me.
I chose not to post a facebook status about the situation. Ha! I stopped buying those damn sweets. This would be why I started doing Pilates and running when I had the chance and both make a huge difference.
I ended up wearing a gray tank with sequins and a cardi. That's one of my emergency outfits.

I don't think I am fat but I do think it's possible to be a size 4 and be completely out of shape and flabby. I know most men like women with "junk in their trunk" and I want to have a booty, just not one that is all jiggly and stuff, which I have been told the jigglier (that's the word that was used) the better.
I sometimes wonder, are we ever really satisfied with our bodies? Yeah, my booty lookes much better now to me but I can find about 5 other things that I don't like or think I need surgery to enhance because I am so self conscious.
I'm not really trying to make a point here or anything. I just found that shirt yesterday and thought I'd share something funny. Plus, I really like that story.
In other news, it's supposed to be like 35 degrees here tonight? Are you kidding me? I should be sweating by now!
But instead, I am still busting out the Pea Coat! Come on now, Spring! Get it together!
I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter! I am a little late, sorry bout that! I spent my Good Friday lying on the bathroom floor dying with some GI nightmare that left me with little dignity. Which caused me to have to call in on Saturday so that makes 2 out of 6 shifts off through January of next year.  Awesome! And I had to drag it on in to work on Easter Sunday feeling totally craptastic. Yay!
Happy Tuesday to ya!


  1. I thought the outfit looked cute...but I also understand being self conscious! :)

  2. Awww girl I totally understand - I put on a pair of skinnies the other day and thought... NOPE.. not ready for these yet. Ugh... I heart you - we all have our things and I like you are bootylicious!

  3. You look so tan! Did you get sprayed? I've been slacking because I am pale as a ghost.

  4. So I saw your title and immediately knew where it came from! Love that movie!

    You look great! I know we all look in the mirror and see something different than is really there, not sure that ever changes boo!

  5. 1. You crack my ass up! Ooops. I said the "a" word! Sorry! 2. You are gorgeous! 3. I hope that you are feeling better. I still think it was my face. Just upset ya so bad!

  6. You crack me up. :) And YES it should be spring here in NJ now too! Sick of this 30 degree crap weather.

  7. Hilarious! One of my favorite movies... at my wedding I teased my colors were "blush and bashful" although they were "pink and pink" :) And you look fabulous!

  8. I want to have a fun party!! :)

  9. I love that you have a go to outfit - I do too :/ And even during my race I was wearing my fave workout jacket and my husband told me he thought it was my "security" - to which I said um, yes, but it is also 40 degrees out here :)

  10. I would pay to have that booty! I have a pancake butt. I love that movie!

  11. Girl, where did that booty come from! Bam! lol. I would have never guessed that second picture was you. And I understand the skinny flab. When I get the "you don't need to diet" deal, I always say I am fat girl skinny. I want to be toned skinny! But I wouldn't mind having a big booty for a day, lmao!

  12. I was gonna be all dannnnnngggg.. when did you invite Kim K ova to your house??!! HAHAHA!

  13. Hahahaha I'm still laughing! Love that movie!

  14. Why didn't I get that booty shot in a text message! Ha! And your hair looks so shiny and dark-- I am loving it!

  15. This post made me really happy and I love the dress you found and the theme!

    Sparkles and Shoes

  16. You're a sexy mama! I loved that dress especially with the junk in the trunk you had goin on!