I Can't Breathe

True story, y'all. On Monday I felt as though I could not breathe and it wasn't just from my stupid allergies. Nope. It was the fact that my 11 year old walked into the doors of Junior High to begin cheerleader tryouts and that she did NOT want me to go in with her. I was stunned and shocked. I mean I thought I would need to sign her in and wait with her until the coach showed up. Nope again!
I even insisted that I walk her to the gym just in case she couldn't find it. Well, she went on a field trip last week to tour the school so another fail!

So, I just stood there looking at her in the parking lot and I asked if I could at least take a picture. She huffed a little and made me do it where nobody could see. I just snapped a quick picture. I couldn't tell if it was good or not because my eyes were full of tears. I mean the kind of full where if you blink about a 100 tears are going to stream down your face. She immediately turned and walked away.

I got in my car and noticed she left her water. Yay! I had an excuse to enter the building! Score! I did and she looked a bit shocked. She was with her childhood friend and they agreed to let me get a picture and then I had to immediately leave the premises.

As I was leaving I began to cry so hard that I could barely breathe. I was already nervous about this whole cheerleader thing but I sure wasn't expecting any of this. At all! I had absolutely no tissue in the car. What kind of mother with 3 kids has no freaking snot rags? I had a clean diaper in the glove box for a Caleb emergency and I used it for a tissue. The guy sitting next to me at the redlight on Highway 51 stared at me like I was crazy. What?!? You've never seen someone wipe their face and blow their nose into a diaper? Me neither but whatever works!

I got myself together before I arrived at the house. I didn't want Brian to give me a hard time. I walked straight to the pantry and shoved about 10 Stacy's Cinnamon and Sugar Pita Chips in my mouth. It was this very moment that I realized I am an emotional eater. Yeah. So. Whatever.

I walked into my bedroom and it must have been obvious that I had been crying because Brian asked what was wrong and I just completely burst into tears. I mean we are talking ugly cry in full blown effect!

I am sure my ugly cry was worse than this.

 

I had a small meltdown explaining the situation to Brian. Apparently things that I had no idea were bothering me were, in fact, bothering me. I cried about how I am turning 31 next week. Yeah I know I did a whole post on how great the 30s are. Bite me! I was having a moment. Ok?!? The 30s are still better than the 20s. I also boo hoo'd (not sure how to spell that and don't care) about how Caleb won't even let me feed him anymore. He cries until I give him the spoon or fork. Last but not least I cried about how I can't have anymore babies and I am sad because there won't be another baby in this house. Really? O.M.G.! I don't even know where that one came from. It had to have been hormones. I mean HAD TO HAVE BEEN!!

 

Like usual, Brian had no idea what to say and didn't make it much better but at least he didn't make it worse. I went and flipped on the television and Dr. Oz was on. What the crap? I needed some Oprah in my life at that very moment. I didn't want to listen to him talk about how clogged my damn arteries are. So I just found the next best thing...Paula Deen!

 

It's Thursday and I still feel like I can't breathe. Why? Well...because I am so worried about her feelings getting hurt if she doesn't make the cheerleading squad. She is at an age where things like that are a really big deal. Aubree has always been more of a softball player. Yes, she cheered when she was really young but she loved softball more. She shocked me with this cheer thing. I am happy that she is trying out. I think it's great but I am a mother hen. I had to let her do this. She may be great at it. She has to "find" herself and that makes this so hard. I just worry because so many of those girls have danced and cheered their entire lives. She has worked really hard though. They are announcing cuts at school today. I am just as nervous as she is!

 

So...I will update via Instagram today. It is going to be a busy day. Caleb starts speech therapy and Carter has a baseball game and I really hope that we will be practicing with friends for final cheerleader tryouts scheduled for Friday. Fingers crossed!

 

I leave you with pics of Aubree. It really hit me this week that time does fly. Like the country song says "Don't Blink".

 

Baby Aubree sucking her thumb. Photo by Phil Ramsey Photography.

Playing in her saucer

The thumb again with a pine needle. Ha! By Phil Ramsey Photography

Christmas 2005

Disney World

5th birthday dinner with Cinderella at The Magic Kingdom

First day of Kindergarten

Heading to my BFF's wedding

Waiting on the train to Mall of America in Minnesota

What a diva! I still hate those shoes!

Aubree and Garner at tryouts this week when I was not really "allowed" in there. Ha!